Being externally focused is easier to look at and feel about, really because it is less painful to deal with. This eventually–of course–catches up with us. What’s within wants to be seen, understood, and loved, and healed. What’s within can’t be avoided for long by distractions such as purely external evaluations since, ultimately, our internal patterns are reflected in what we let surround us. What we see as problematic and blameworthy in others or circumstances is really pointing us in the direction of mending that within ourselves. Courage to view the wound and the heart to accept it bring us to the point of mending to be possible.
“I was always searching for someone to hold me lovingly in their arms, just for being the human that I am. Time after time, the arms I searched for were mine.”
I was abused mentally and emotionally for years by a couple different partners. I moved across the country thinking that the external change would offer me the peace and love I so desperately desired. The FIRST thing I did, of course, was get myself into a violent trap. This partner was so blatantly toxic and narcissistic yet it took me almost a year to get the message I needed to face: The level of love I have for myself is the level of love I accept from others. At this point I knew I could no longer play victim and it was up to me to change my life. I decided to take ownership over my circumstances… along with a hefty dose of self-love. It’s amazing. I was always searching for someone to hold me lovingly in their arms, just for the human that I am. Time after time, the arms I searched for were mine.
“We must first look, love, then lead ourselves in the direction of our choosing.”
The decision to look at the pattern showing up and then ask ‘what is this trying to show me?’ is the first step. The easy answer in this case would have been, “Guys are major ass-holes!”, or “I just have horrible luck with partners!”, but of course this external blame only takes away our personal power to live the lives we want. It can be painful at first, but we must be honest with ourselves if we want to have true success and happiness.
Next, when we observe that we are actually allowing the toxic people and situations into our lives, we must hold ourselves like small and innocent children–with love and encouragement. We didn’t know any better, we were doing the best we could with the tools we had, or we were simply mislead. We have infinite tries to treat ourselves–or others–differently. You wouldn’t hold guilt and blame over a small child’s head in order to teach them a lesson unless you were going for the fear-based parenting, but fear robs us from positive relationships and possibilities. We are good people that deserve love and happiness, so start treating yourself like it!
Mantra: I am doing my very best and I love myself no matter what. I am still learning and willing to learn lifelong. I am always getting better!
Journal Prompts for deeper insight:
- What is happening in my life that is holding me back from recognizing happiness?
- What part have I played in this situation? How have I allowed it to continue?
- If I saw someone else going through this exact same thing what advice would I give them?
- How can I hold myself and comfort myself better?
- How many times have I told myself I’m doing a good job today?